Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
