We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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