i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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