I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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