i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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