...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
