do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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