Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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