so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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