I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
