I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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