don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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