If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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