I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When are your genitals available?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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