Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
