I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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