That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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