I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
