Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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