I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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