I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
