when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
