Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
