I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
