I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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