If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
