you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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