oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The Olympian is in my bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize