Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
