i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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