Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want a musical about memes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
