Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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