I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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