I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
