the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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