Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
