He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
