the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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