shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
