capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
