I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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