I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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