Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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