i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
