Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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