do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize