ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
