I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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