There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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