Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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