Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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