First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
