Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
