I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
