I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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