You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
