And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
