Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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