I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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