I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
