____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
