i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
