apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
