i just sent this text using only my big toe
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
