you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
