He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
