I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
