wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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