the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
