I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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