dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
