Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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