why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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