My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize