I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
